This guest blog post is written by Rachel (not her real name). We asked Rachel to write a piece for the AG blog sharing her lived experience of autism and alcohol. Thanks to Rachel for her honesty and willingness to share what follows. We hope you enjoy this post.
Hi, I'm Rachel. I'm an autistic woman in her late forties, living in Guernsey, and I'm going to share my story with you as it relates to autism and alcohol. Here goes!
Introduction
I knew I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol long before I got my autism diagnosis (as with a lot of autistic females, I was diagnosed late: in my forties). However, getting my diagnosis helped me understand why I used alcohol in the way I did and ultimately helped me give it up. At the time of writing, I will have been alcohol-free for almost a year, and I don't feel that I will drink alcohol again in the future.
This post shares my lived experience—it doesn't aim to judge anyone's alcohol use. I hope what I have to say will help some readers feel seen. If you are sober-curious, I share a few tips and resources at the end of the post that might be helpful.
My Relationship With Drinking
On a scale of sober to alcoholic, I think I was somewhere in the middle. I was never a daily drinker. I could comfortably go a week or two without an alcoholic drink.
My drinking was linked to two specific situations: stress and socialising. Unfortunately, I've always had a little trouble locating my "off button" with booze, so invariably, it was not just one or two glasses of wine.
The Impact of My Autism Diagnosis
Getting my autism diagnosis made a lot of things slot into place—particularly concerning my reasons for (over)using alcohol.
Understanding that I experienced a high level of stress because the world is designed for people with different brain wiring to me (i.e. neurotypicals) helped. It made me think carefully about how I managed my energy and allowed me to control my environment to reduce sensory overload (and the resulting stress).
I started to carefully space out social situations in my calendar and schedule time afterwards to recover. My diagnosis was a permission slip to advocate for my needs. It turns out you can say "no" to social invitations! I still struggle with this, but being aware is a good place to start.
The biggest thing for me, though, was starting to understand who I really was—little by little, looking behind my carefully crafted mask. It was at this point that I started questioning my use of alcohol.
Questioning My Use of Alcohol
My social drinking was mainly to create a version of me that was more acceptable to everyone else. It made me funnier, more relaxed, and easier to be around. I think my stress-related drinking also had a people-pleasing element too. Rather than address the root cause of my stress (by, for example, explaining my needs), I'd self-medicate after the fact with booze.
As I started to get to know unmasked me a little better, I started caring for myself more. I developed an exercise habit, prioritised rest, and began eating foods that fuelled my body and brain.
Becoming Sober-Curious
I became sober-curious, and, in true autistic style, I read all the quit-lit I could and listened to every relevant podcast I could. I decided to try a 30-day alcohol-free challenge, aced that, and then decided to go for 90 days... the number of days without a drink just kept increasing. As I mentioned in my introduction, I am coming up to a year alcohol-free, with no plans to drink in the future.
On Moderation
The word "moderation" has come up a lot in alcohol-related conversations I've had over the past year (mostly with family members who love a drink!), so I would like to address it quickly. Honestly, I do not know if it has anything to do with autism, but moderation would be far more complicated for me than complete abstinence when it comes to alcohol. It's far easier (for me) to say no when it comes to booze. Moderation is uncertain—when do I drink? How much can I drink? What do I drink? I have enough decisions to make on a daily basis already. Plus complete abstinence, right now, feels great. Why would I change that?
The Tricky Bits
I also want to mention that, while not drinking has been (surprisingly) easy for me, learning to navigate social situations without alcohol has taken some practice. At first, I didn’t tell people I was taking a break from alcohol. I felt the need to make up reasons for not drinking, rather than tell the truth (especially around family members who like to drink) and I regret that. This was classic people-pleasing as I wanted to make everyone else feel comfortable. But, as with all things, socialising without alcohol gets easier with practice.
And Today?
I'm approaching 50, and finally, I feel pretty happy with who I am (authentic me, not drunk me). I don't want to pretend to be someone I am not anymore. If people don't like autistic me, then they are not my people.
I'll rephrase that to apply to you: if people don't like autistic you, then they are not your people.
Resources and Tips
On the off-chance you are sober-curious, here are a few resources that helped me:
Note that these resources are not designed specifically for autistic people, but I still found them incredibly useful (especially the science-backed ones).
If you are considering a tactical break from alcohol, I suggest starting with 30 days and taking it from there. A 30-day break is enough time to reflect on the role that alcohol plays in your life.
Thank you for reading my message, I hope it helps.
Rachel.
If you would be interested in attending an “Autistic and Sober-Curious" group, please email our Education Manager, Martine Ellis, on martine.ellis@autismguernsey.org.gg. Martine will let you know if we are able to organise something.
As an undiagnosed person awaiting diagnosis I have to say I felt in a similar boat last year. It’s great to read this as it resonates with me.
Last year I decided to lose some weight and get back the old me so cut out alcohol for a month then week by week. I rarely drank anyway and found I had stomach ache the day after, if I did.
This year / month I have lost a stone in weight and not drank alcohol at all and really don’t miss it.
As we get older it’s just less important to me / us.
I feel healthier and more with it.
J